This poem “Thick Skin Warmth” is in a sense, a double entendre. There are two interpretations that I want people to take in from the title and the content. I wanted to personally address how circumstances in my life, forced me to grow a thick skin and contributed to my sometimes hardened heart. I also wanted to address the literal meaning of thick skin, in terms of the weight problems I’ve had with my “big-boned” figure. ( As Caribbean would put it.) Growing up, I sometimes had aspirations to be somebody-else or to be treated differently. This poem is a tribute to not only my former self and to the woman I’ve become, but to many others who may have had a rough childhood, difficulty finding their identity, have been overlooked, have had weight issues etc.. but despite any odds or doubts, have come out better people because of it. If not for what I had gone through I couldn’t have written this and I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to connect with others who can look back to their past and find the cracks of light that built their spirit of resilience. All things considered, I have the maturity to love all of who I was, the confidence to love who I am, and the faith to love who I will become.
There is always a spin of positivity for any adversity you face. For me it was that, more thick skin = more warmth.
Thick Skin Warmth
I have memories in the thick skin I grew
And for a child with big bones
I would chew words
Thrown across dinner tables
Like bread rolls and dull swords headed for destruction in war quarters
I fought soldiers of enemy blood
Camouflaged in family love
Giving harsh hugs
Sharing hushed laughs
Wishing silent good lucks
Then a child grows up
Hoping the thick skin would shed itself off
Toasting the New Years with resolutions
For light pounds
Ground heights to look tall
Light skin to suit stars
Bright mind to pass college and make mama proud
I found self in the dark clouds
Searching for a way out
To skip towns
And drift to sleep with no sound
Of echoing dreams failed
Dropped down to level man’s esteem
Of a woman with thick brows
Big shoulders to rip through a double small
Tom boy with a jean jacket bending gender bounds
Oblivious to gender nouns
Little child
With thick skin
Protecting others from her bitter vowels
A and E
WE owe you for breaking promises
Not keeping us as hostages
Remaining fatherless saved the spirit of this optimist
If I didn’t die by this
Trust I won’t hold on to it
This skin grew thick
My mind grew to compensate
Faith knew he’d be the one
To help thick skin love
Whoever thick skins does
Will love her back
and feel the thick skin warmth